CUPERTINO, CA – Apple today announced the release of its groundbreaking 'MacBook Neo,' a new laptop designed to disrupt the personal computing market with its unprecedented $499 price tag. Industry analysts, however, quickly noted that achieving this price point involved a radical re-imagining of what constitutes a 'complete' computer, with essential features now available as optional, high-margin accessories.

“We believe everyone deserves access to the unparalleled Apple experience,” stated Chief Innovation Officer, Dr. Phileas Fogg, during the product launch. “That’s why the MacBook Neo comes with a single, multi-purpose port that handles power, data, and video. For everything else, we’ve developed the Neo-Hub Pro Max, a sleek, indispensable device that retails for just $2,999.” The Neo-Hub Pro Max reportedly includes ports for USB-A, HDMI, Ethernet, an SD card reader, and a 3.5mm headphone jack, none of which are present on the base laptop.

Early reviews praise the Neo’s lightweight design and stunning display, but caution that users might find themselves unable to connect to a printer, external monitor, or even a wired mouse without additional purchases. “It’s a brilliant strategy,” commented tech pundit Brenda Chen. “They’ve made a $500 laptop that effectively costs $3,500, and people will still line up for it.”

Apple confirmed that the Neo-Hub Pro Max is required for software updates, as the MacBook Neo does not feature Wi-Fi capabilities out of the box.