WASHINGTON D.C. — A groundbreaking new report released Tuesday by the Institute for Contemporary Social Obligations (ICSO) reveals that the financial and logistical burden of attending weddings has escalated to the point where guests are effectively required to maintain a professional-grade costume department.

The study, titled “From ‘Black Tie Optional’ to ‘Whimsical Woodland Nymph Chic’: The Escalating Sartorial Demands of Matrimony,” found that the average wedding guest now needs a minimum of 17 distinct outfits to adequately cover the spectrum of modern dress codes, ranging from “Rustic Barn Formal” to “Post-Apocalyptic Disco Brunch.”

“Gone are the days when a simple cocktail dress or a suit could get you through a wedding season,” explained Dr. Eleanor Vance, lead researcher at the ICSO. “We’re seeing micro-trends emerge within micro-trends. You can’t just have ‘beach formal’ anymore; it needs to be ‘Mediterranean Riviera Beach Formal’ with a specific linen blend and an artisanal raffia accessory. It’s exhausting.”

Corporate fashion retailers, however, are reportedly thrilled. “Our Q2 earnings are directly correlated with the number of engaged couples who watched ‘Bridgerton’ and decided on a ‘Regencycore Garden Party’ theme,” stated Brenda Sterling, VP of Guest Attire Strategy at a major online fashion retailer. “We’re even developing AI to predict which obscure sub-genre of ‘boho-chic’ will dominate next spring.”

The report concludes that guests who fail to adhere to these hyper-specific sartorial guidelines risk not only social ostracization but also potentially undermining the entire aesthetic integrity of the couple’s carefully curated Instagram feed.