WASHINGTON D.C. – In a bold move designed to 'enhance user experience' and 'foster a more efficient digital ecosystem,' a consortium of leading data brokers today unveiled their groundbreaking 'Identity-Sharing' program. The initiative, which follows recent reports of nearly $21 billion in identity-theft losses linked to the industry, aims to eliminate the 'unnecessary friction' currently experienced by victims.

“For too long, consumers have been forced to navigate the cumbersome, often bewildering process of having their identities stolen piecemeal,” explained Dr. Millicent Piffle, Chief Synergy Officer at 'InfoHarvest Global,' during a press conference held in a nondescript server farm. “Our new program ensures a seamless, all-inclusive identity transfer, from social security numbers to your grandmother’s maiden name, all delivered in one convenient, pre-breached package.”

The program promises to cut down on the 'antiquated' manual steps involved in identity theft, such as waiting for a data breach to occur. Instead, participating consumers will have their entire digital footprint proactively aggregated and made available to 'approved third-party entities' — a term industry insiders confirm includes 'anyone with a moderately convincing email address and a penchant for credit card fraud.'

Congressman Bartholomew 'Barty' Flimflam (R-KY), Chair of the House Subcommittee on Digital Elasticity, praised the move. “This is exactly the kind of forward-thinking innovation we need. It’s not identity theft if you’ve already agreed to share it, is it? It’s just… advanced data liquidity.” When asked about the $21 billion in losses, Dr. Piffle clarified, “Those weren’t losses; those were… early-stage investments in the Identity-Sharing paradigm.”