WASHINGTON D.C. – In a groundbreaking clarification of federal statute, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has officially designated all human eyes within a 500-foot radius of its operations as 'unlicensed ocular recording devices.' The move comes as the agency faces increasing public scrutiny and attempts by citizens to observe its activities.

'It's a matter of operational security,' stated Deputy Assistant Director for Ocular Integrity, Brenda 'Blinky' McPherson, during a press briefing held entirely in a windowless bunker. 'Every glance, every sidelong peek, fundamentally compromises our tactical advantage. We simply cannot have unauthorized pupils gathering visual intelligence on our highly sensitive, totally transparent, and absolutely lawful procedures.'

Legal experts, many of whom were reportedly squinting nervously during interviews, expressed bewilderment. 'The First Amendment protects the right to observe government officials in public spaces,' explained Dr. Reginald 'Ray-Ban' Spectacle, Professor of Constitutional Optometry at the University of American Law. 'To criminalize sight itself is... well, it's certainly a bold interpretation of the Bill of Rights. I'm not sure the framers anticipated this level of visual aggression.'

ICE has reportedly begun distributing 'Gaze-Avertment Kits' to concerned citizens, which include blindfolds and pamphlets detailing the 'Patriotic Benefits of Intentional Ignorance.' Violators caught actively perceiving ICE operations could face charges of 'Visual Loitering' or 'Aggravated Staring with Intent to Document.'