LONDON – A comprehensive, multi-year investigation by the newly formed 'Department of Obvious Societal Realities' has concluded that so-called 'gangs' operating within the capital are not, as previously theorized, merely misunderstood social clubs with an affinity for matching tracksuits.

“We were initially operating under the assumption that these groups were primarily focused on competitive street dance and perhaps some light fundraising for local charities,” stated Dr. Penelope Witherbottom, lead researcher and Senior Analyst of Startlingly Apparent Phenomena. “However, our data now indicates a disturbing pattern of behavior, including, but not limited to, ‘exploitation’ and ‘criminality.’ It’s quite the paradigm shift.”

The report, which cost an estimated £47 million and involved 300 consultants, found that these organizations often 'lure' individuals with false promises, a tactic previously thought exclusive to pyramid schemes and certain political manifestos.

“It turns out, when someone offers you something that sounds too good to be true, it often is,” explained Constable Reginald Piffle, Head of the Metropolitan Police’s 'Things We Probably Should Have Known' Unit. “Our officers are now being retrained to identify signs of non-philanthropic intent, such as the conspicuous absence of bake sales or raffle tickets.”

Authorities are urging the public to remain vigilant and report any 'youth collectives' that appear to be operating outside the parameters of a well-regulated book club.