WASHINGTON D.C. – A groundbreaking new report indicates that a significant portion of long-term relationships have reached a critical juncture where the act of kissing has become an advanced skill requiring external intervention. Relationship coaches across the country are reporting a surge in demand for services focused on re-teaching partners the basics of osculation, a behavior once considered innate.

“For years, we’ve seen couples struggle with communication, finances, and even basic hygiene,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, head of the Institute for Advanced Smooching Studies. “But the idea that two consenting adults need a PowerPoint presentation on ‘The Art of the French Kiss: A Step-by-Step Guide’ is, frankly, alarming. Yet, here we are.” Thorne noted that many clients express confusion over lip placement, tongue dynamics, and even the appropriate duration of a kiss.

One participant in a recent “Kissing Fundamentals” seminar, Brenda Harrison, 47, admitted, “My husband and I just… forgot. It started with pecks, then air kisses, and eventually, it was just a nod. We’re hoping this workshop helps us remember what all the fuss was about.” Her husband, Gary, 49, added, “I think I saw a diagram once. Was it… like a vacuum cleaner?”

Industry analysts predict a boom in the professional kissing instruction sector, with specialized certifications and advanced degrees in puckering techniques expected to become standard. The trend raises concerns that future generations may require formal education just to engage in basic human affection, potentially leading to a societal collapse of spontaneous romance.