LONDON – In a bold move to address the 'soul-destroying' nature of the modern job market for young people, the Department of Perpetual Economic Optimism (DPEO) has announced a groundbreaking initiative to replace human job seekers with carefully selected, inanimate rocks.

“The search is indeed soul-destroying,” stated Dr. Millicent Pumble, Head of Non-Sentient Labor Solutions at DPEO, during a press conference held in a disused quarry. “But not for the rocks. They possess an unwavering stoicism, a complete lack of existential dread, and, crucially, they never ask about benefits or career progression.”

The pilot program, dubbed 'Project Boulder,' will see 1,500 specially polished granite and basalt specimens dispatched to entry-level positions across the nation. Early data suggests a 97% reduction in 'workplace whining' and a 100% compliance rate with unpaid internships. One particularly promising pebble, designated 'Pebble-47B,' has reportedly been 'actively observing' a junior marketing role for three weeks without once checking its phone.

“We’re not saying humans are obsolete,” clarified Reginald Fiddlebottom, a spokesperson for the Ministry of Redundant Youth Affairs, while gesturing vaguely at a pile of discarded CVs. “But when faced with a choice between a 22-year-old with a humanities degree and a perfectly spherical piece of quartz that requires no salary and asks no difficult questions, the economic calculus becomes, shall we say, crystal clear.” Experts predict a significant uplift in national productivity, primarily due to the rocks’ inability to take coffee breaks.