NEW YORK – In a groundbreaking pre-free agency consensus, sports analysts across all major networks have unanimously declared every single defensive player entering the NFL free agency period next week as either 'elite' or a 'generational talent.' The unprecedented agreement suggests that the upcoming signing period will see an unparalleled explosion in player salaries, with even practice squad veterans now commanding 'franchise-altering' deals.

“We’ve crunched the numbers, watched the tape, and frankly, there’s not a single defensive player out there who isn’t a surefire Hall of Famer in waiting,” stated veteran analyst Skip Bayless, adjusting his tie. “Whether they had 15 sacks or 0.5, whether they cover like a blanket or a sieve, they all possess that intangible 'it' factor that screams 'max contract.' It's truly remarkable.”

Teams are reportedly bracing for a bidding war of historic proportions, with general managers already liquidating stadium assets and selling naming rights to their children to meet the expected financial demands. One anonymous GM reportedly remarked, “I just saw a guy who primarily played special teams last year described as a 'scheme-versatile, impact player with a motor that never quits.' We’re offering him three years, $60 million, fully guaranteed.”

Economists are now predicting a significant inflationary spike in the sports sector, as the sheer volume of 'elite' talent threatens to destabilize team budgets and potentially lead to entire franchises being composed solely of highly paid defensive players.