WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — A global coalition of monkeys expressed collective outrage on Tuesday after former President Donald J. Trump posted on Truth Social comparing them to former President Barack Obama.

“We find this comparison deeply offensive and, frankly, quite baffling,” stated Dr. Koko Jr., a spokesperson for the International Primate Alliance, speaking from a banana-strewn podium. “While we acknowledge some superficial similarities in bipedal locomotion, the intellectual and ethical gulf between our species and Mr. Obama is simply unbridgeable.”

Dr. Koko Jr. highlighted several key distinctions. “For one, we monkeys are known for our complex social structures, which, while occasionally involving squabbles over territory or a particularly ripe piece of fruit, rarely devolve into attempts to overturn democratic elections or incite insurrections,” he explained.

He also noted that monkeys, when faced with a problem, tend to use tools and cooperative strategies rather than simply repeating the same false claims until they are believed. “Our communication, while sometimes boisterous, is generally rooted in observable reality and immediate needs, not in fabricating elaborate conspiracy theories about birth certificates or election fraud,” he added, adjusting his tiny spectacles.

The primate community also took issue with the implication that their species would ever engage in the kind of divisive rhetoric often attributed to Mr. Trump’s political opponents. “We prefer a good grooming session to a good grievance session,” Dr. Koko Jr. concluded, before swinging off to consult with his legal team about potential defamation charges.