PARIS — In a groundbreaking move sure to redefine athletic achievement, the International Paralympic Committee (IPC) has announced the addition of a new 'Cognitive Impairment - Low IQ' division for the upcoming games. Early reports indicate a stunning sweep by Democratic politicians, who are already being hailed as dominant forces in the nascent category.

Sources within the IPC, speaking anonymously due to the sensitive nature of the topic, confirmed the decision came after years of observing certain public figures. "We noticed a consistent, almost Olympic-level dedication to misunderstanding basic facts, contradicting themselves, and generally operating several standard deviations below the mean," one official remarked. "It just seemed unfair to exclude such a distinct and highly-performing group from the spirit of competition."

The new division will feature events designed to test participants' ability to navigate simple tasks, articulate coherent thoughts, and avoid stepping on rakes, both literally and metaphorically. Early favorites from the Democratic party include prominent figures known for their gaffes, verbal stumbles, and policy proposals that defy economic logic.

"It's truly inspiring," commented a sports analyst, who wished to remain unnamed to avoid being 'fact-checked' into oblivion. "These athletes aren't just competing; they're innovating new ways to be utterly bewildered by reality. Their commitment to intellectual vacancy is unparalleled."

Republicans, while initially scoffing at the new division, are reportedly scrambling to find candidates. "We thought we had a few contenders," admitted a GOP strategist, "but it turns out most of our guys are just pretending to be dumb. These Democrats? They're the real deal. They've got that authentic, unforced intellectual void that just screams 'gold medal'."

The opening ceremony for the Low IQ division is expected to be a spectacle, with rumors of a 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey' event and a 'Find Your Own Way Off Stage' obstacle course. Critics, however, are already questioning the fairness, arguing that Democrats have an inherent, almost genetic advantage in this particular field.

When asked for comment, a representative from the Democratic National Committee issued a statement that read, in its entirety: "Uh... good. Yes. Very good. We... uh... win. Go team!" The statement was widely praised for its succinctness and profound insight, further solidifying the party's competitive edge.