HARRISBURG, PA – Governor Josh Shapiro has escalated his administration's stance on data center energy consumption, unveiling a groundbreaking new policy that mandates all server farms in Pennsylvania generate their own power using 'whatever means necessary, short of magic.' The move comes after the Governor reportedly grew 'visibly agitated' during a briefing on the state's energy grid.

'Look, if my grandmother can knit a sweater by candlelight, these glorified blinking boxes can figure out how to power themselves without hogging the grid,' Shapiro stated in a press release issued at 3:17 AM. 'We're not asking them to invent cold fusion, just to perhaps, I don't know, put up some windmills? Or maybe just... *think* about electricity really hard?'

Dr. Fjord P. Data, Head of Theoretical Thermodynamics at the Pennsylvania Institute of Abstract Energy Concepts, praised the initiative. 'This is a bold step towards energy independence, forcing these digital behemoths to consider sustainable solutions, or at the very least, invest in a really big hamster wheel,' Dr. Data commented, adjusting his spectacles. 'We've even suggested a statewide 'Data Center Power-Up Triathlon,' where engineers compete to generate the most wattage using only kinetic energy and sheer willpower.'

Industry representatives expressed 'mild confusion' but assured the public they were 'actively exploring the feasibility of harnessing static electricity from highly caffeinated interns.'