WASHINGTON D.C. – Global astronomical bodies issued a joint advisory today, urging citizens worldwide to avoid direct observation of the upcoming 'Blood Moon' total lunar eclipse on March 3rd. The rare celestial event, which will see the moon turn an unsettling shade of crimson, is now believed to pose a significant, albeit non-physical, threat to public well-being.

“Our preliminary models indicate a 73.8% chance of experiencing heightened existential dread, a 48.2% likelihood of mild, inexplicable nausea, and a 100% certainty of feeling vaguely uneasy about the vastness of space,” stated Dr. Elara Vance, Head of Celestial Anxiety Studies at the Institute for Pan-Galactic Neurosis. “While not life-threatening, these symptoms could severely impact one's ability to enjoy a Tuesday morning.”

Authorities recommend drawing curtains, engaging in mundane activities, and perhaps watching a thoroughly unscary documentary about competitive knitting. “We’re not saying it’s the end of days,” clarified Bartholomew ‘Barty’ Finch, Senior Lunar Event Mitigation Specialist for the Department of Public Calm. “We’re just saying, why risk a perfectly good night’s sleep over a slightly red rock?”

Citizens are reminded that the moon will return to its normal, comforting grey hue shortly after the event, allowing for a safe return to casual, uninformed stargazing.