OMAHA, NE—In a bold and unexpected declaration, Berkshire Hathaway CEO Greg Abel has committed to upholding the company’s long-standing, yet often overlooked, tradition of disciplined investing. In his inaugural annual letter to shareholders, Abel promised to continue the revolutionary practice of acquiring assets for less than their intrinsic value, a strategy famously pioneered by his predecessor, Warren Buffett.

“We understand that in today’s volatile market, many companies are tempted by novel approaches like 'buying high and selling low,' or even the avant-garde 'buying high and holding forever while everyone else gets rich,'” Abel wrote. “But at Berkshire, we are steadfastly committed to the quaint, almost archaic, notion of making money.”

Industry analysts were reportedly stunned by the announcement. “It’s a real game-changer,” said financial pundit Brenda Chen. “To openly declare that you plan to continue profitable operations is a level of transparency rarely seen in modern corporate leadership. Most CEOs just hint at it with buzzwords about synergy and stakeholder value.”

Sources close to the company suggest the decision was not made lightly, with internal debates reportedly raging for weeks over whether to pivot to a more contemporary strategy involving NFTs or perhaps a chain of artisanal toast restaurants. Ultimately, the allure of compounding returns proved too strong to resist.

Shareholders are now bracing themselves for the shocking possibility of continued financial success under Abel’s leadership.