PASADENA, CA – In a stunning declaration that has sent economists scrambling to update their models, Ross Stores, Inc. announced Tuesday that the U.S. economy has officially achieved full recovery, citing a "very strong start" to its spring shopping season. The off-price retail giant's robust sales figures, which include a significant uptick in last-season's throw pillows and slightly-scuffed kitchenware, are being heralded as the definitive sign that the nation's financial health is back on track.

"When people are enthusiastically purchasing items that were originally intended for a different demographic at a deeply discounted rate, that's not just a sale, that's economic vitality," stated Ross Stores CEO, Barbara Rentler, in a press conference held next to a display of mismatched bath towels. "Our customers are demonstrating a clear, unwavering confidence in their discretionary income, specifically the portion they allocate to things they didn't know they needed until they saw the price tag."

Financial analysts, many of whom had previously linked economic health to metrics like GDP growth or employment rates, are now reportedly pivoting to tracking the inventory turnover of discount retailers. "It's a paradigm shift," explained Dr. Evelyn Hayes, a senior economist at the Institute for Obvious Conclusions. "Why bother with complex data when you can just check if the 'Clearance' section at Ross is getting replenished quickly? If it is, things are booming."

Sources close to the Federal Reserve indicate that future interest rate decisions may now hinge on the quarterly earnings calls of major off-price chains, effectively replacing traditional economic indicators with the 'Bargain Bin Index.' The news has reportedly caused a surge in applications for retail management positions, as aspiring economists seek to get closer to the true pulse of the American consumer.

The only remaining question, according to analysts, is whether the economy will truly be considered 'fixed' until every household owns at least one item purchased from a 'Mystery Box' at 70% off.