BURBANK, CA – Employees at Warner Bros. Discovery are reportedly experiencing a collective morale dip so profound it has breached the theoretical zero point and is now registering as a negative value on internal sentiment trackers. The unprecedented emotional downturn follows news that Paramount Global has emerged as the frontrunner to acquire the media giant, sidelining Netflix and sparking widespread anxiety over impending job cuts and cultural integration.

“We used to have ‘casual Fridays’ where you could wear jeans,” recounted a visibly deflated senior analyst, who asked to be identified only as 'Brenda from Legal.' “Now, we have ‘casual Fridays’ where everyone just quietly updates their LinkedIn profiles in the breakroom. It’s less a dress code and more a shared act of resignation.”

Sources close to the situation indicate that the company’s internal ‘Employee Engagement Score’ has plummeted to -3.7, a figure previously thought impossible. “We’ve had to recalibrate our entire metric system,” explained Dr. Evelyn Hayes, a fictional corporate psychologist specializing in media mergers. “Historically, zero meant ‘utter indifference.’ A negative score implies active, almost enthusiastic, disengagement. It’s a new frontier in corporate despair.”

One WBD executive, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted that the company is exploring new ways to boost spirits. “We’re thinking of offering a free ‘How to Write a Resumé’ workshop, or maybe a ‘Networking for the Newly Unemployed’ seminar. We just need to find a way to spin it as a benefit.”

Paramount Global has yet to comment on the WBD staff's emotional state, presumably because they're busy calculating how many more IP libraries they can gut for tax write-offs.