INDIANAPOLIS — In a move analysts are calling a 'bold display of passive-aggressive loyalty,' the Indianapolis Colts have placed a rarely seen 'emotional support tag' on quarterback Daniel Jones. The unconventional designation, which technically allows the team to match any outside offer, is primarily designed to prevent Jones from experiencing the crushing blow of being completely ignored during free agency.

“We just want Daniel to know he’s valued, in a theoretical, market-dependent sort of way,” explained Colts General Manager Chris Ballard, adjusting his tie. “It’s less about locking him down and more about making sure he doesn’t feel like he’s been ghosted. Think of it as a very expensive, legally binding 'It’s not you, it’s… well, it’s complicated' text message.”

League sources suggest the tag comes with a mandatory weekly check-in call from the coaching staff, a personalized 'We Miss You!' email, and an option for the player to receive a gift basket filled with artisanal cheeses if no other team expresses interest by mid-March. “It’s a delicate balance,” said NFL Players Association spokesperson Brenda Chen. “You want players to feel secure, but also aware that their value is constantly being reassessed by people who watch a lot of tape.”

Jones’ agent, Marvin Dobbins, confirmed his client was “deeply moved” by the gesture. “He appreciates the Colts ensuring he doesn’t have to spend free agency scrolling through Zillow listings, wondering if anyone will ever truly love his arm strength again.”

The Colts have reportedly already started drafting a follow-up 'It's a Me, Not You' letter, just in case.