LONDON – In a move lauded by internal compensation committees and largely ignored by anyone outside the immediate boardroom, HSBC's non-executive directors have seen their collective fees increase by nearly £1 million, despite a widely criticized, 18-month-long search for a new chair that ultimately failed to produce a viable candidate.

The 12% remuneration bump, bringing the total to an eye-watering £8.3 million, was reportedly a 'strategic recognition of sustained effort in the face of insurmountable competence,' according to a leaked memo from the 'Department of Self-Congratulatory Financial Re-evaluation.'

'It takes a special kind of dedication to meticulously review hundreds of highly qualified individuals and then, with unwavering resolve, conclude that none are quite right,' stated Dr. Penelope Wiffle, Head of Existential Boardroom Dynamics at the Institute for Corporate Circular Logic. 'This isn't failure; it's a profound commitment to the status quo, which, frankly, is exhausting work.'

Shareholders, who had voiced 'mild concern' over the protracted and ultimately fruitless succession process, are now reportedly 'considering upgrading their concern to a polite eyebrow raise.'

'We believe this increase reflects the sheer mental fortitude required to navigate such a complex non-decision,' commented Barnaby 'Biff' Cavendish-Smythe, Chief Emolument Officer for HSBC's 'Executive Entitlement Division.' 'Finding a new chair is disruptive. Not finding one, yet maintaining an air of diligent pursuit, well, that's priceless. Or, in this case, an additional £980,000.'