WASHINGTON D.C. – A federal judge has issued a landmark ruling mandating that all future deportations must send individuals exclusively to their *actual* country of origin, or, failing that, a meticulously constructed, culturally appropriate, and legally recognized *imaginary* nation-state of their choosing. The decision effectively dismantles the previous administration’s 'third-country' policy, which allowed migrants to be sent to any nation willing to accept them, provided it was at least 300 miles from their initial point of entry and offered a decent brunch menu.

“This ruling introduces an unprecedented level of bureaucratic precision,” stated Dr. Philomena Gribble, lead cartographer for the Department of Homeland Security’s newly formed 'Homeland-ish' Relocation Division. “We’re now scrambling to develop a comprehensive database of plausible fictional homelands, complete with flags, national anthems, and verifiable GDPs. It’s a logistical nightmare, especially with the surge in requests for 'Narnia' and 'Wakanda.' ”

Legal experts suggest the ruling could significantly slow down deportation proceedings, as each migrant will now require a bespoke 'national identity' assessment. “We can no longer just drop them off in, say, Belize, and call it a day,” explained Attorney Bartholomew 'Barty' Finch, co-founder of the 'Citizens for Geographically Specific Justice' advocacy group. “Now, we have to ensure that if they claim to be from 'Elbonia,' we have the proper diplomatic channels open, even if those channels are currently just a P.O. box in Liechtenstein.”

Officials are reportedly exploring options, including a 'build-your-own-nation' app for migrants, to streamline the process.