LOS ANGELES, CA – New posthumous research into the life of legendary songwriter Billy Steinberg, co-writer of Madonna's 1984 smash hit 'Like A Virgin,' has unearthed startling revelations about the relationship that inspired the track. While previously believed to be a simple, albeit painful, romantic dissolution, a comprehensive 'Emotional Archaeology' report now suggests Steinberg was, in fact, 'a monumental pain in the backside' to his former partner.

Dr. Penelope Quibble, Head of Post-Traumatic Pop Culture Etiology at the Institute for Retrospective Relationship Forensics, stated, 'Our deep-dive into historical diary entries, passive-aggressive voicemails, and even the subtle inflections in his 1983 grocery lists indicates a pattern of behavior that would make anyone reconsider their life choices. The breakup wasn't a sudden tragedy; it was a long-overdue liberation for his ex.'

Sources close to the research, who wish to remain anonymous due to ongoing legal disputes over intellectual property rights to 'emotional residue,' claim Steinberg's ex-girlfriend, identified only as 'Brenda P.,' had reportedly endured 'at least 37 instances of unsolicited poetry readings and 12 attempts at interpretive dance' before finally ending the relationship. 'She wasn't 'like a virgin' after the breakup,' confirmed one analyst, 'she was 'like a person who finally got some peace and quiet.''

The findings are expected to prompt a re-evaluation of numerous pop anthems, with experts now questioning whether many 'heartbreak' songs are merely thinly veiled accounts of 'being really annoying and then getting dumped.'