WASHINGTON D.C. – Workplaces, schools, and social gatherings nationwide are experiencing unprecedented levels of disruption this week, following the widespread dissemination of a list of “unsettling facts” about human anatomy. Reports indicate a significant drop in focus, an increase in existential dread, and a pervasive sense of unease among the populace.

“I was just trying to finish a spreadsheet, and then I remembered that my entire skeleton is technically outside my body if you consider the digestive tract an external tube,” stated Brenda Harrison, a mid-level manager from Ohio, who has since been unable to look at a sandwich without a profound sense of betrayal. “How am I supposed to optimize Q3 projections when I know my stomach acid could dissolve a razor blade?”

Experts are struggling to quantify the economic fallout. Dr. Aris Thorne, a sociologist specializing in collective cognitive dissonance, noted, “We’ve seen similar, albeit less severe, reactions to things like the ‘is a hot dog a sandwich?’ debate. But this is different. This isn’t about semantics; it’s about the fundamental, squishy horror of being alive.” He added that therapy appointments focusing on “visceral self-disgust” have surged by 400%.

Government officials are reportedly considering a public health campaign to remind citizens that, despite the revelations, their bodies are still *mostly* functional. However, sources close to the White House suggest that even top advisors are struggling to maintain composure after learning about earwax production rates. The current advice is to simply try not to think about it, a strategy proving largely ineffective.

Meanwhile, sales of industrial-strength brain bleach have reportedly skyrocketed.