PHOENIX, AZ — In a move widely anticipated by anyone who has ever received a modicum of job security, NBA guard Jamaree Bouyea has reportedly inked his first multi-year standard contract, a two-year deal with the Phoenix Suns. Sources close to the situation confirm Bouyea plans to celebrate by significantly reducing his effort levels, now that the immediate threat of unemployment has been temporarily deferred.

“It’s a huge relief,” admitted Bouyea, speaking through a fictional agent, Skip Baller. “For years, I’ve been playing every game like my career depended on it, which, frankly, it did. Now? I can finally relax, maybe work on my TikTok dances during practice, and explore some new hobbies that don't involve 5 AM jump shots.”

League analysts are already predicting a measurable dip in Bouyea's hustle statistics. “This is classic,” stated Dr. Evelyn 'Effort' Metrics, a sports sociologist at the Institute for Post-Contractual Laziness. “Players on one-year deals are like gazelles fleeing a cheetah. Two-year deals? They’re still gazelles, but they’ve found a nice patch of grass and are wondering if they really need to run *that* fast.”

The Suns organization, meanwhile, is reportedly thrilled to have a player who can now fully commit to not being cut, a crucial step in building long-term team mediocrity.