LONDON – Following revelations of a 'mystery man' acting as a key conduit between Prince Andrew and the late Jeffrey Epstein, Buckingham Palace has announced the creation of a new, permanent role: 'Official Royal Family Conduit for Sensitive Interpersonal Engagements.' The position, which will report directly to the Lord High Steward, aims to centralize and optimize all future controversial associations.

“We’ve observed, with considerable interest, the… fluidity of information exchange facilitated by certain individuals in recent years,” stated Lady Penelope Featherbottom-Smythe, newly appointed Head of Proactive Reputation Management and Archival Diplomacy. “It became clear that a dedicated, professional conduit could significantly streamline our operational response to, shall we say, 'unconventional' social circles. No more ad-hoc, amateurish 'mystery men' for us.”

Sources within the Palace indicate the role will involve meticulously documenting all potentially compromising introductions, maintaining a 'Red Flag Registry' of problematic acquaintances, and even pre-drafting apologies for future PR crises. “Think of it as a human firewall, but with better tailoring,” explained Dr. Alistair Finch, Professor of Applied Aristocratic Logistics at the University of Greater Windsor. “The goal is to ensure that when a royal inevitably finds themselves in a morally ambiguous situation, there's a designated individual who can efficiently manage the flow of denial, plausible deniability, and eventual non-apology.”

Applications are reportedly flooding in, with candidates boasting extensive experience in 'facilitation,' 'networking,' and 'discreet information relay' from various opaque sectors.