NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – In a move praised by common sense enthusiasts nationwide, the Rutgers University Athletic Department has officially reaffirmed its long-standing policy of not intentionally driving its programs into the ground. The decision, described by newly appointed Athletic Director Keli Zinn as a 'no-brainer,' marks a significant continuation of the university's strategy to, at minimum, attempt to win games.

“We’ve done the research, we’ve crunched the numbers, and frankly, the data is overwhelming,” Zinn stated in a press conference that lasted precisely 47 seconds. “Actively trying to lose, or simply ignoring glaring issues, tends to have a negative impact on performance. Our commitment to not doing that remains absolute.”

The revelation comes amidst speculation regarding the future of various underperforming programs, particularly the women's basketball team. While Zinn did not directly address specific coaching changes, sources close to the athletic department confirm that 'the whole not-trying-to-be-bad thing' applies across the board.

“It’s a bold stance in today’s climate, where some institutions might be tempted to just let things fester,” commented Dr. Evelyn Pinter, a fictional expert in Institutional Self-Preservation Studies. “Rutgers is really setting a precedent here: when faced with an obvious problem, it’s often better to just… deal with it.”

Critics, however, question whether simply 'not trying to fail' is a sufficiently ambitious goal for a Division I athletic program. The university maintains that for now, avoiding catastrophic, self-inflicted wounds is a victory in itself.