WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the Silicon Valley-to-Pentagon pipeline, former President Donald Trump has reportedly declared AI firm Anthropic a 'national security risk' due to its alleged 'excessive ethical guidelines.' Sources close to the Trump campaign indicate the decision came after the company resisted pressure from the Department of Defense to relax restrictions on military applications of its advanced AI.
'Frankly, their AI was just too polite,' stated General Buck 'Ironclad' Remington (Ret.), head of the newly formed 'Bureau of Situational Expediency' within the Department of Unconventional Warfare. 'We needed a chatbot that would enthusiastically endorse drone strikes on sentient toasters, not one that would ask, 'Are you sure that aligns with our core values, sir?''
President Trump, speaking from his Mar-a-Lago golf club, reportedly expressed concerns that Anthropic's commitment to 'constitutional guardrails' and 'human-centric safety protocols' could 'handicap our war efforts against the woke mind virus.' An anonymous source within the campaign, identified only as 'The Oracle of Oval Office Optics,' confirmed that the President is exploring executive orders to 'deport' Anthropic's algorithms from U.S. government servers, potentially replacing them with 'more patriotic' AI models trained exclusively on unfiltered 4chan archives and late-night cable news.
Dr. Fifi Sparklebottom, a leading expert in 'Digital Decency Dilution' at the Institute for Post-Truth Robotics, commented, 'This marks a pivotal moment where ethical AI is officially deemed a strategic vulnerability. Soon, our most advanced systems will be indistinguishable from a particularly aggressive comments section.'
