LOS ANGELES, CA – A GoFundMe campaign initiated by well-meaning friends of actor Eric Dane has successfully surpassed its $250,000 goal, despite the 'Grey's Anatomy' star's perplexing decision to remain alive and well. The campaign, launched with the stated purpose of supporting Dane's daughters following his 'ALS battle,' has left organizers in a logistical quandary.

“We had everything ready: the heartfelt eulogies, the poignant photo montages, even a tasteful black-and-white Instagram filter for his last known headshot,” explained Brenda Carmichael, lead organizer and self-proclaimed 'best friend' of Dane, from her Brentwood mansion. “Then Eric just… kept showing up to work. It’s frankly quite inconsiderate when you’ve already pre-ordered the sympathy casseroles.”

Funds raised are reportedly being held in a special 'Pre-Mortem Philanthropy Account' by the Fictional Bereavement Services Department. Dr. Quentin P. Griefenstein, Head of Anticipatory Mourning at the Institute for Premature Commiseration, stated, “This is a classic case of a celebrity failing to adhere to the predetermined narrative arc. While we commend the friends’ proactive grief, Mr. Dane’s continued vitality presents a unique challenge to the traditional GoFundMe disbursement model.”

Carmichael confirmed that the money will remain untouched until Dane, 51, eventually succumbs to… well, anything. “We’re not picky,” she added, adjusting her designer sunglasses. “Just give us something we can work with.”