SAN FRANCISCO – In a groundbreaking admission of its artificial intelligence’s current limitations, OpenAI has reportedly enlisted the services of four major consulting firms to help its advanced AI models understand the fundamental human concept of 'enterprise adoption.' Sources close to the matter indicate the multi-billion-dollar initiative aims to bridge the critical gap between raw computational power and the ability to, for instance, create a PowerPoint presentation that truly resonates with middle management.

“Our AI can write Shakespearean sonnets and solve complex physics equations,” explained Dr. Evelyn Finch, Head of Existential Utility at OpenAI, in a press release issued entirely by a large language model. “But when we asked it to ‘optimize Q3 deliverables’ or ‘synergize cross-functional bandwidth,’ it just kept generating pictures of sentient staplers. We believe human consultants, with their unparalleled mastery of corporate jargon, are uniquely positioned to translate these vital concepts into a language our AI can process.”

The consulting firms, including McKinsey & Company, Boston Consulting Group, Bain & Company, and Accenture, will reportedly deploy thousands of human strategists directly into OpenAI’s neural networks. Their mission: to imbue the AI with an intuitive grasp of 'value propositions' and 'scalable solutions.'

“We’re essentially teaching the AI to think like a human who’s just spent 14 hours in a windowless conference room,” stated Chad Worthington, Senior Vice President of Strategic Alignment at BCG, while adjusting his perfectly knotted tie. “It’s a delicate process, but we’re confident that by Q4, OpenAI’s Frontier AI will be able to not only identify key performance indicators but also, crucially, invent new ones on the fly.” Critics, however, wonder if the AI will simply learn to bill its own hours at an exorbitant rate.