FARGO, ND – In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the aerospace sector, a consortium of international aviation safety bodies has officially pinpointed one individual as the singular, overarching cause of all recorded in-flight structural and mechanical failures. Kevin, 47, whose full name and precise role remain shrouded in bureaucratic ambiguity, has been designated the 'Universal Aviation Anomaly Instigator.'

'After years of complex metallurgical analysis, computational fluid dynamics, and countless hours reviewing maintenance logs, every data point eventually led us to Kevin,' stated Dr. Elara Vance, Chief Causality Officer for the newly formed Global Aeronautical Blame Commission (GABC). 'Whether it's a compromised fuselage or a coffee maker on the fritz at 35,000 feet, the statistical probability of Kevin's indirect—or alarmingly direct—involvement approaches 99.87%.'

The announcement has prompted widespread relief among airline executives, who previously grappled with the daunting complexity of systemic issues. 'It's incredibly simplifying,' remarked Captain Reginald 'Reggie' Porthos, Head of Existential Risk Management at Air-Go-Now Airlines. 'Before, we had to worry about supply chains, manufacturing defects, and human error. Now, we just need to ensure Kevin has a really bad day every time something goes wrong. It's much more efficient for our quarterly reports.'

Kevin himself, reportedly unaware of his newfound global responsibility, was last seen attempting to fix a leaky faucet in his own home, a task which, according to GABC, is now under immediate investigation for potential links to a recent hydraulic system malfunction on a transatlantic flight.